


let me sit this ass (on you)

by Weisster



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, a weak stomach and get disgusted pretty easily dont READ, an over exaggerated use of the word 'hot' and 'wow', blood and poop, chan drooling over how hot woojin is, chan is all of us, chan thinking everything about woojin is hot, lapslock, so if you have like, to all my ibd bitches say YEEEHAAAWWW, warning for pretty descriptive words??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 10:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20487743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weisster/pseuds/Weisster
Summary: Chan is about to shit his fucking pants and Woojin looks ethereal in the mcdonald's lighting.





	let me sit this ass (on you)

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Chan has something called IBD (Inflammable Bowels Disease) so yeah, the descriptions here won't be Kind.

when chan was diagnosed with his ibd he thought that it was a joke played by god because no way was he, the healthiest man who has won countless of swimming competitions, chronically ill? and it's a _bowels_ disease? 

what has chan ever done to his bowel to cause it harm? last time he checked he doesn't eat fast food, junk food nor candy and chocolate.

and yet, his bowel is as ungrateful as ever.

problem is that right now, he has a flare up. it's still in the early stages but, he also has a date. 

okay _fine_, he could have politely declined minho's offer to set him up with his friend to avoid bad situations but the words died quickly in his mouth when he saw how outright hot the dude is. 

kim woojin, the mouthwatering hot dude, so ethereal and beautiful that chan had to restrain himself not to humiliatingly cry in front of his best friend. 

when Date Day arrives chan is already ready, he worked two days ahead at work, got his beauty sleep, left work earlier and went through his skin care and then put on his outfit. _perfect_. 

the mall is where they're supposed to meet which sounds like it could easily become the worst date ever but chan is not a coward (he's actually a fucking wimp) so he takes the bus to the mall, nerves on edge as anticipation builds up. 

* * *

chan was not prepared for how off the hook hot woojin is in real life. screw whiplash, he feels like a tsunami wave hit him. 

"hi, i'm chan" he says, his voice jumping slightly. woojin smiles and takes the hand chan had outstretched (when the fuck did chan hold out his hand?), god, what a nice big hand. 

"i'm woojin" he says, eyes twinkling playfully. "i'm hungry, wanna go eat?" he asks, gesturing towards the opposite direction of the mall. 

"oh, sure" he shrugs, lunch breaks are quite short at work anyways so a little food is not bad. they walk around the mall making small talk until chan feels his heels grind on the floor at the sight of the food chain.

oh no. _oh_ _no_. it's a _mcdonalds_. 

there seems to be some beef between chan's intestines and mcdonalds because if there's one thing that sends chan's ass exploding straight to hell it is, you guessed it, mcdonalds.

and woojin wants exactly that. 

he sucks in a deep breath, telling himself it just be like that and then walks in with woojin inside the cursed restaurant. 

he can already feel his stomach knot itself when the familiar scent of meat and grease hits him as if to say 'we met again, old enemy of mine'. 

'please don't blow this for me' chan prays to his stomach, as if it has ever listened to him. 

"what do you wanna get?" 

nothing at all, "oh, a cheeseburger" he says instead, it was his favourite thing to get when his stomach wasn't such a dick. 

"that's it?" 

"yeah! i really like cheeseburgers" he says as if that answers anything. woojin nods and turns around to the counter. 

'please slam me into a wall and make out with meeee!' chan screams mentally as woojin orders and then pays for everything. he feels so torned. on one hand, he wants woojin to destroy his insides in a much better way than his ibd could ever do but on the other hand he wants to go grocery shopping with him. 

why not both? 

'go grocery shopping and then make him slam you into a wall and destroy your insides' chan thinks and nods to himself, he's a man on a mission now. 

chan scrunches up his nose at the smell, this did not help one bit. 

when their food is done they sit down opposite of each other, woojin has already taken a big bite and chan is hesitatingly brushing his lips against his cheeseburger.

(it did smell delicious but chan fears his stomach more) 

he takes a deep breath and bites like a small hamster, almost looking like he's nibbling. 

oh my god. oh my fucking god. all chan did was take one small itty bitty bite and his stomach is already gurgling? 

"eat up, you obviously sound hungry" woojin says, unaware of chan's demise. 

'no it's just my inflamed intestines wanting to strangle me' but instead chan gave a tight lipped smile and took another bite of the burger. 

chan is about to shit his fucking pants and woojin looks ethereal in the mcdonald's lighting.

wow, _wow_, god really sat down and thought how to make woojin. it really shows because wow (he's _hot_, oh man). 

chan thinks he's safe from his stomach when it pauses it's devilish plans and he continues talking with woojin, walking around the mall as they laughed at each other's jokes. 

then it decides to hit him, when they're a long bit away from mcdonalds. chan wants to rip his intestines out and strangle it like its an angry snake. 

"what's wrong?" woojin asks when he notices the way chan halts in his steps and his face paling. 

"i really need to go to a toilet now or i will shit all over this polished marble floor" chan manages to squeeze out, trying his best to look composed. another loud and warning gurgle omitted from his stomach. _oh_ _fuck_ _no_. 

woojin laughs but then stops when chan starts sprinting towards the opposite direction, "huh- wait, chan!" he shouted, hurrying after the shorter. 

fuck, did he just leak a little? chan wants to fucking die. the last time he peed his pants was in first grade and he doesn't wanna break that by shitting his pants as a fully capable adult. 

he scurries inside the mcdonalds they ate in and makes a beeline for the toilets, he doesn't even care about the strange looks he's given as he rips open the toilet door and slams it close, he manages to catch a glimpse of woojin's worrying face before it closes. 

chan would rather be known as the guy who ran like a hooligan towards the mcdonalds toilets rather than the adult who shat his pants and then cried of humiliation.

he sighs as he sits down with his pants shoved down to his ankles, the sounds that escapes his asshole is not something he's proud of. but it's still comforting knowing knowing that it's going straight down into the toilet and not on the floor. 

it's okay though. shitting is a humane thing. it's what brings everyone together. everyone shits, even beyonce and it reminds chan that they're all humans after all. 

yikes, that's a lot of blood, he thinks when he flushes the toilet. the smell of the toilet is full of 'infected shit' (chan's parents told him that his shit smells 'extraordinary' when he has his flare ups). 

when he walks out he sees woojin leaning on the wall opposite the door like a goddamn model.

chan flushes, knowing damn well that woojin had heard all those embarrassing disgusting sounds, there goes his chances with the mouthwatering hot dude of the century. 

"you okay chan? what happened?" woojin asked, worry evident on his face and chan wanted to melt because wow- what a caring man. 

he coughed, there was no point in keeping it hidden, woojin needed to know so he could cut it off if he didn't wanna deal with a man like chan who is able to shit his pants unwillingly. 

"i have ibd" he said straight out, tensing up his body and preparing for the worst; having to _explain_ what it is. 

(it's not pretty when chan has to explain. he'll fumble over his words and cheeks will get redder and redder) 

"oh? inflamed bowels disease?" woojin said instead of saying 'what's that?'. 

chan reeled back in shock, looking up at woojin with widened eyes, "huh? how do you know?" 

woojin laughs like the angel that he is, "i'm studying to become a doctor" 

chan's brain riots like a howling monkey because woojin? in a _white_ _robe_? chan would break his ankles willingly if it meant that woojin's big soft gentle hands would touch his ankles. 

truly an erotica of its own in the old ages. 

"you sound smart" and that's fucking _hot_, he almost says, "but yeah, so.. yeah, fast food is a trigger food of mine" 

"why didn't you say anything!?" woojin exclaimed, looking alarmed and slightly guilty. 

"ibd is kinda disgusting? and i wanted to impress you" chan shrugs, blushing at the last part he just admitted. 

woojin's eyes softened, "yeah technically shit is pretty disgusting but it's not something you chose, i however, chose to become a doctor, so i don't really care" can you become my doctor? chan almost asks "plus, you already impressed me the moment minho showed me a picture of you" 

"oh" 

woojin nudges for him to move, grabbing chan's arm, "let's get you home, and please, treat your flare up" he looks at chan pointedly, eyebrows furrowing. 

"i will," he stuttered out, cursing his heart out for flipping inside his chest because woojin told him to get his bleeding diarrhea in check. 

the ride home was not as silent as chan anticipated. they talked about whatever and it made chan forget about the humiliation that woojin heard his intestines beatboxing. 

"can i get your number?" 

it takes a while for woojin's question to register in chan's brain because of how distracted he is by how hot the man looks like when driving. "you still wanna go out with me?" '_even after i shat my pants?_' chan continues in his head, 

"of course i do" woojin says with such conviction that even chan, who has a low self esteem, believes him full heartedly. 

chan sucks in a breath, restraining himself from throwing his arms around woojin's neck and kissing the shit out of him. he has morals for god's sake. "okay" 

later that month chan and woojin declare themselves as boyfriends.

("true love is when he still wants to go out with you even after you almost shat your pants" chan says in a monotone voice when jeongin asks them what true love is. 

woojin laughs in disbelief and almost shoves chan off his seat.) 


End file.
